Stanton’s favourites.These thoughts, however, she never shared with anyone, not even with her best friend (until later, as we have revealed above). Neither did she share the intense (and to her rather indelicate) curiosity that most of the girls had about each other's bodies. If Priscilla were to be considered in any sense prudish, it was in her refusal to participate in her fellow schoolgirls' prurience. Even Anna, she was uncomfortably aware, seemed to share this curiosity but, happily, kept it out of her conversation.There came a day, however, when Anna's sense of adventure finally captured Priscilla's fancy. It was in the first term of their last year and they had been predisposed to discussing with pleasure all the things they could do when school was over. Anna had discovered that the nearby county town was hosting a grand harvest fair, far more exciting than anything that ever happened in the miserable little town outside the school gates. Travel to the county town, of course,. I had been struggling with my gender for as long as I could remember, butit seemed like lately I could not fight any more, and cross-dressedwhenever I could. Finally, I had reached a point where I wondered wheremy faith in God had gone, and having prayed to have this need taken fromme for years without an answer, I reached the conclusion I was a lostcause.This led me to having a scary moment where I had a bottle of pills onbed, and I was trying to figure out how many would kill me, since takingtoo many would just make me sick. After more than an hour of looking atthe pills and fighting my natural instinct to stay alive, I gave up, andput the pills back in their bottle, and shook with agony and grief untilI fell asleep.The next day, I went out to a quiet field behind my house, sat down, andlooked up in the sky.Then I started screaming.I shouted as loudly as I could, calling God every name I could think of,using more swear words in this speech than I had used in the sixteenyears.
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